Humpty Dumpty

Some days I'm good at viewing my journey with thyroid cancer in a factual way, as a medical professional more that a patient. I can view what is happening to me more as a doctor sort of looking at myself, the patient, from the outside. Today was not one of those days. All those emotions that I'm pretty good at keeping put away, so that I can explain my condition without tears when asked, so that I can keep doing my job taking care of other's illnesses, so that I can be with my kids and try to keep up with them, they all spilled out this morning. I took my kids to school then came back home to finish getting ready for work and the tears started. They spilled for having to my hoarse voice and not knowing if it will come back, for my new bigger scar that so far doesn't look very nice, for my stiff neck and weak shoulder, and for the skin that feels raw in places that weren't even touched by a scalpel. They spilled for feeling like a year after I already did all this I'm back behind the starting line again. Just when I was feeling good and pretty much back to normal, I feel like I'm worse off than after the last surgery. I feel like Humpty Dumpty, the first go round most of the pieces fit back together, but this time it seems like a few more pieces are missing and maybe all the king's surgeons didn't quite get me back together again and I'm just not quite the same. (this isn't intended to be a criticism of them, just fact that things don't always turn out as well when they have to be repeated) Then I feel guilty because for all I've been thru and am crying about, so many have it so much worse than me. But that thought didn't stem the tears. They kept on coming while I drove to work and it took a while to stop them in the parking lot before I could go inside. Here they are again. Hate to think what my eyes will look like in the morning.